Who Benefits from Feminine Self-Presentation?

Although it wasn’t a main point in the chapter, I was intrigued by Julia Serano’s view on the commonly held idea that how a women chooses to dress and adorn her body exists to please men.  In the chapter “Putting the Feminine Back into Feminism” from her book Whipping Girl, she writes, “Clearly, it’s the idea that feminine self-presentation exists for men’s benefit that is oppressive to women, not the acts of self-presentation themselves” (Serano 328).  I agree that that notion is oppressive, but I also believe that there is nothing wrong with a woman dressing for attention, whether it is from friends, strangers, men, or women.  By investigating who is actually benefitting from feminine self-presentation, we can easily see that those two ideas are not mutually exclusive. 

This investigation is a way for us to pivot the center.  Let’s start with a very typical scenario: 

A woman is getting ready to go out for a night on the town with a few of her female friends.  She puts on a sexy dress and heels, and takes time to do her hair and makeup, thinking of all the cute guys that might smile at her and buy her drinks because they think she’s pretty.  In this scenario, it is true that she is taking such care in her appearance so that men will notice her and be pleased with what they see, but it is not them she wishes to benefit - it is herself.  She puts on that dress because it makes her feel sexy.  She does her hair and makeup that way because she knows it’s flattering.  The positive attention she receives tonight is attention that she seeks for her own benefit, just like she chooses her outfit because she feels attractive in it.  She desires the male attention because it makes her feel good and confident, not because she is trying to make any men feel good.

In this article, Serano writes something that I think needs a little clarification:

  

This myth—that feminine dress is primarily designed to attract male attention—exists for a single reason: It enables the societal-wide sexualization of women. After all, if we believe that she wore a pretty dress today because she is trying to pique men’s interests, then suddenly catcalls, sexual innuendos and ogling seem legitimate (because she was essentially “asking for” that attention). And if she says that she is not interested in a man’s sexual advances, well then she must be sending “mixed messages,” because she was clearly trying to “tempt” or “tease” him given the way she was dressed.

There is another important distinction that we need to make here, and that is the one between dressing for “attention” and dressing for “positive attention.”  No one that I can think of would dress with the intention of receiving negative attention.  Unwanted attention can never be legitimate because it is just that: unwanted.  The burden needs to be placed on the shoulders of those who would catcall or ogle on the assumption that a woman is seeking attention because of her self-presentation.  Regardless of whether or not she is seeking attention, the potential harasser needs to recognize that it is still just an assumption.  There is no way to know if she dressed for herself or not, so the only logical solution is to treat her with respect.  They need to know the difference between giving her an appropriate compliment and verbally harassing her.  The key idea here is that presenting oneself with the hopes of receiving positive male attention does not give a green light for negative attention too. 

It’s worth noting that although women do sometimes dress for men, they also dress for their friends, for strangers, and for many other reasons.  On page 327, Serano writes:

Feminine self-presentation tends to highly correlate with a more general desire to surround oneself with beautiful or aesthetically pleasing objects and materials... The idea that this trait exists primarily to pique men’s interest seems unlikely to me, as most straight men I know seem rather disinterested in the way their homes are decorated, and often are completely oblivious when their female partners don new outfits or hairstyles.

This backs up the claim that women dress for each other as well.  If I am going out with some friends, for example, I can confidently say that my outfit is nearly always influenced by which friends I’m seeing.  Whether consciously or not, I know that different friend groups will appreciate different styles and notice different things about my self-presentation.  In a way, I dress to please them, but the compliments they give me and the feeling of comfort and belonging (maybe even unity?) that I have is benefitting me.  There are some enlightening statistics that deal with women dressing for other women here.  

With all of that said, the last thing I think we need to address is the notion many of us hold that women who seek attention or affirmation are somehow lacking in self-esteem.  It’s unreasonable to suggest that just because someone enjoys positive attention, it means that they are insecure.  Everyone enjoys positive attention!  We need to recognize that enjoying positive attention doesn’t necessarily mean you have low self-esteem.  It’s also important to consider that there is nothing wrong with complimenting a girl who does have low self-esteem - it may help her become more confident with herself over time.